Everything You Are
by venis-envy
Summary: B/E B/Jacob - An AH look at what happens when Edward leaves Bella. When he comes back to claim her once and for all, Bella is made to choose between the two people she never wants to stop loving. Will she choose heart over soul?


Disclaimer:

_Twilight_—not mine.

_Peter Pan_ story—not mine (though I do have a village of lost boys).

_Care Bears_—also not mine... but they aren't mentioned in this story at all. js.

But...

Do you guys remember Popples? Those little creatures you could fold into a pouch, turning them into a fuzzy ball?

Yeah, no. Those aren't mine either. Just thought I'd bring you all back to the 80s with me for a moment.

Huge thanks and dirty kisses to wickedcicada & VanPireNZ for betaing this for me.

No pixies or animals were hurt during the making of this story.

Be kind, rewind.

And remember kids, only you can prevent forest fires.

As you were.

~*~*~*~*~

_Everything You Are_

~*~*~*~*~

Warm, strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me tightly against his chest. He mumbled something incomprehensible, pushing his nose into my hair and inhaling deeply before the even, steady pattern of his breathing returned, confirming that he was still fast asleep.

Smiling faintly, I lay awake beside him as the light of early dawn filtered through our bedroom curtains, remembering another happy time in my life.

~*~

Edward used to climb through my bedroom window at Charlie's house when I was younger. He would sneak in late at night and lie next to me, leaving the bedroom window open. The cool night breeze wafted through the curtains, filling the room with the smell of rain and the chill that accompanied it. Sometimes, he just watched me sleep. He said it was relaxing; that he was sometimes restless at night, but knowing that I slept peacefully helped to calm him.

I used to joke and tell him he was just like Peter Pan—from sneaking into bedrooms at night, to the way his bronze hair never seemed to be tamed, the resemblance was strong. In turn, he called me "Tink."

It made me sad at first. I told Edward I didn't want to be his Tink. Peter Pan clearly loved Wendy, where Tinkerbell was more of a pet.

He pulled me down onto his lap and kissed my forehead.

"Peter Pan loved Tinkerbell," he said.

"But not the same way he loved Wendy," I replied weakly as I buried my face into my favorite spot at the juncture of his neck and shoulder, fighting back irrational tears that threatened to escape. I couldn't stand the thought of even a small possibility existing that Edward didn't love me the way that I loved him.

"Hey." Edward placed a finger under my chin, coaxing me out of my hiding place. His emerald eyes searched mine for a long moment before he spoke again.

"I love you in _all_ ways," he said, giving me a gentle kiss. "If you'd rather be Wendy–"

"No," I interrupted as a thought suddenly occurred to me. "I'll be your Tink. Tinkerbell gets to stay with Peter forever."

Edward smiled. "Forever," he echoed, kissing me again as he slid his hands under the hem of my shirt and gently brushed his fingertips across my lower back.

~*~

I heard a low moan as my husband grazed his hand over my bare side, mimicking my memory and pulling me back into present reality at the same time.

"_Forever" is such a subjective word,_ I thought as I turned toward him. The pink color of the rising sun as it peeked through the window added an angelic glow to his beautiful, russet skin.

"I missed you." His voice was low and filled with desire.

"I didn't go anywhere, baby. I've been right here," I said between kisses.

"I know." He rolled onto his back, pulling me on top of him. The desire was not only in his voice. "But I was sleeping."

"Oh? So you missed me while you were sleeping then, huh?" I couldn't stop myself from rubbing my body against his as I spoke.

"I always do."

Not for the first time, I thanked God in heaven that Jacob, my other half who knew me so well, would never actually know just how far away I sometimes was while sleeping next to him.

It was not uncommon for me to reminisce, especially in the quiet early morning or late-night hours. That used to be _our_ time—Edward's and mine.

It was true that I had loved Edward with my whole heart, but Jacob had always been my soul mate.

When Edward left me, it was like he had split my heart in two, taking half of it with him. I was broken and empty.

He had told me that I deserved better—more. He wanted me to go to college and get a degree, to build a future for myself. The only future I wanted to consider revolved around him, though. He told me that was wrong, that I should reach higher—that I needed more than he could offer.

Edward might have stolen half of my heart and walked away with it, but Jacob had always owned my soul. He was the light at the end of the tunnel I had trudged through, scared and alone. What I hadn't realized at the time was that I had never really been alone at all. Jacob was always there for me, holding my hand and guiding me through my tribulations.

One beautiful spirit had been created in the heavens and cut in half, a piece of it given to each of us. Jacob was given the part that was strong, courageous, devoted. My half was weaker, more prone to pain and hurt—easy to love and _be_ loved, more apt to break and _be_ broken. But together, we were whole. We were perfect.

I kissed Jacob tenderly, thankful that I was where I belonged. That finally, I felt entirely happy and free.

But I still thought of Edward. Sometimes remembering was painful, but it was always necessary.

~*~

The night before our wedding, I sat in my bedroom at Charlie's house. Jacob and I had agreed not to see or talk to each other for a week prior. My time was occupied with family, friends, and last-minute preparations, but I felt anxious in his absence. I longed to be in his arms; to smell him, to touch him and know that he was real. I always felt like I needed him more than I should, but he assured me it was the same for him.

My bedroom window slid open noisily, startling me half to death as Edward climbed inside.

I stopped breathing and stared in shock, part of me wanting to run to him and wrap my arms around him, and part of me longing even more for the healing comfort of my Jacob.

We stood staring at one another, both of us trembling slightly. Neither of us was willing to break the silence.

"Tell me I'm not too late," he finally said.

I shook my head. "I can't."

"Please, Bella. I can't be without you anymore. I need you."

I couldn't believe what was happening. Was it real? I had dreamt of him coming back to me for so long; hoping and praying, but now…

"I need me, too." I exhaled long and slow. "I was so lost, Edward. I was lost after you left me, but more than that, I was lost while I was _with_ you—lost _in _you. I have a place now. I have a purpose."

Edward searched my eyes for a moment before sighing and nodding his head in defeat. "I had to try."

"I can't even begin to describe to you what you meant to me, Edward—what you _still_ mean to me… but Jacob means more. He's everything. I can't breathe without him, and I won't even consider trying to."

"Bella–"

"Please, Edward—don't. I gave you a huge part of me. I'm not asking for it back. I'm just asking you to let me keep what's left."

"Will you ever think of me?" he asked.

I nodded. "Of course I will."

"I'm so sorry that I left you. I'm sorry that I broke you."

"I'm better for it, Edward."

Silently, we each breathed in the thick air around us, tasting the tension and sorrow.

"I'll leave you to your family and husband, then. But know that I'll always love you, Tink. Not a day has passed in the last three years that I haven't thought of you."

Edward opened his outstretched hand. There, in his palm, rested a tiny silver thimble—the very one I had given to him all those years ago as a symbol of our ongoing relation to Peter Pan, a representation of the piece of my heart he had taken with him when he left.

He stood there, unmoving, with tears brimming in his eyes, deepening the already-bottomless pools of green. With tears streaming down my own face, I closed the distance between us to wrap my hands around his, closing his fingers over the thimble. Edward had been an important part of my life, and I wanted him to remember that always. "Keep it," I whispered. "It'll always be yours."

Looking down at our joined hands, tears began to flow freely from Edward's eyes. He nodded once, pulling his hand away.

Silently, I watched him make his way back to the window, the ache in my chest threatening to take over once and for all this time."Wait," I said, inhaling slowly, willing my voice to hold through my next words. "You—you know that place between sleep and awake? The place where you remember dreaming?"

Edward closed his eyes, his lips parting slightly as tears continued to trail down his face. He nodded slowly.

"That's where I'll always love you, Edward,' I said, the remaining piece of my heart aching to be reunited. It was true; deep down, part of me would never stop loving him. A shuddering breath escaped me as I tried to wipe the seemingly endless stream of tears from my cheeks.

"That's where I'll be waiting," he whispered, finishing the quote before slipping out of my bedroom window.

~*~

I ran my nose up the length of Jacob's neck, drinking in the scent that was so uniquely his. Slowly, he trailed his hands down my back as I slid myself up his body, gaining better access to his delicious lips. He kissed me sweetly, gently sucking my bottom lip into his mouth as I hummed my approval.

There was nothing better in this world than the sweet taste of his kisses—nothing more satisfying than the feeling of his body pressed against mine, of him inside me.

Straddling his hips, I drew myself up and slid my hands over his chest, savoring the feel of each curve and contour of muscle under my fingers.

Jacob ghosted his palms over my hardened nipples as his hands explored my body, the light touch sending a wave of sensual anticipation through me. He sat up, wrapping his arms around my waist as he moaned quietly, restrained desire in his tone. I ran my fingers through his short, spiky hair as he kissed a trail between my breasts and up my neck, nipping playfully at my chin, my body responding to his touch with a subtle thrust of my hips.

We were both still completely naked from the night before, and I could feel his need as he pressed himself against the warmth between my legs. My heart beat faster with anticipation, knowing how much pleasure he would bring me.

Jacob shifted his hips, eliciting a whimper from me as his hardened length slid firmly against my sensitive clit. I tilted my head back while his lips and tongue explored my neck and his hands continued to graze all the needful places on my body; the places that he knew so well.

Despite all the time we had been together, it amazed me how consistently attentive he still was to my needs, knowing exactly what they were without being told. I still felt the tiny flutter of butterflies in my stomach when he touched me, despite the all-consuming need to have him closer constantly.

Lifting myself slightly, I leaned in to taste his sweet lips again before sliding myself down his hardened length.

We continued the teasing rhythm, Jacob pressing against me without entering, until his hands stilled my hips. Without a word from me, he knew I was close to climax, simply by the sounds I made.

He shifted, resting on his knees and I wrapped my legs around him, consumed by the need to have him inside me.

We stared into each other's eyes, silently conveying the eternal love and desire we shared. With his hands still on my hips, his dark, smoldering gaze continued to hold mine as he guided me down onto him.

Sometimes my mind felt dizzy with thoughts as we made love, distracting me from the actual physical feeling of our connection and leading me to focus instead on the invisible ties that bound us together. Those were emotional and spiritual ties that could not be seen, nor severed, nor touched by anyone.

This time, though, was my absolute favorite kind of lovemaking. It was one of the times I was able to focus on both the endless, complete love and need I felt for Jacob, and the physical gratification of him being inside me and of his hands touching and caressing my body.

This was the kind of lovemaking that was often described as "earth-shattering"—the kind that could bring tears to your eyes.

Wrapping my arms around his neck to hold him close, I watched as his tongue flicked out, teasing my nipple before sucking it into his mouth. The feeling of his teeth grazing the sensitive bud was almost more than I could take. I continued to rock into him, throwing my head back as my eyes fluttered shut.

He felt so amazing to me—so perfect. Nothing could ever compare to this feeling. I wanted it to last forever, and when Jacob whispered that he loved me, I smiled because I knew it would.

This was truly the only forever I wanted.

"I love you too, baby," I said, bringing my head forward again and resting my forehead against his. "So much."

Jacob began to push into me harder and faster until I felt myself tightening around him. The air in the room stilled and my breath hitched as tingling currents shot through me. With my forehead still pressed against his, I clenched my teeth, whimpering again as I came.

Jacob leaned forward, gently laying me on my back. Pulling out of me completely, he pressed his thumb into my over-sensitive clit before pushing back into me, inch by agonizingly slow inch. Resting one hand next to my head, he leaned over me, slipping in and out in a slow, steady rhythm.

Running a hand up his flexed arm, I turned my head, kissing and licking his wrist, knowing how much he loved it when I did that. He moaned with pleasure and bent his head, running his lips up my neck and over to my lips. He kissed me deeply as I cried out in ecstasy yet again. This time, I could feel him pulsing deep within as he came with me.

We continued to make love throughout the day, connecting in ways that brought tears to my eyes more than once.

Whoever arrived at the notion that love came only from the heart would need only a glimpse at my two worlds to know the lie in that idea. I loved them both so completely, but when it came down to it, body, soul, and mind won out over heart. Edward would always have _that_ piece of me, but Jacob had everything else.

I was nothing without Jacob, and maybe it was unfair of me to assume he was all right with sharing that part of me, but his love for me was unconditional. We knew that we belonged together—knew how perfectly we fit together. And aside from the night before our wedding, I'd never kept any secrets from Jacob. He knew I still thought of Edward, but he also knew that the love he and I shared was like the burning sun in comparison to the starlit sky that Edward and I'd had together.

~*~*~*~*~

A/N

There's a quote used in here from Tinkerbell (in the movie _Hook_) that I have been in love with for a long time, but this particular o/s came to me when my sweet batgirl pointed out the similarities between our dear Edward and Peter Pan; the hair, sneaking into bedrooms at night, never aging…

Lots of love to batgirl who's off at the Olympics stalking Sid. Good luck, sweets. Heart you!


End file.
